[song? awakening... i forget who its by.]
[mood? bored]
well... i've decided to give xanga a try. if you want my xanga, im me. if i dont hate you, i'll give the url. heh.
i may come back to blogger. i may not. its weird... i feel a type of loyalty to blogger. i mean, it's been with me through everything. my good times, my bad times, my crazy times. i wonder if i'll really leave it..... nah. i wont. if anything, i'll just post less.... and keep them both. yeah... thats what i'll do. :)
well... on to xanga. catch ya later.
Monday, February 14, 2005
[song? bleeding mascara- atreyu]
[mood? eh.]
okay. so valentines day wasnt as bad as it could have been. i got a candy gram. kayleen went up to craig and told him that i liked him. he already knew. i thought brittni was joking when she said he already knew. so yeah... when i saw kayleen going to tell him, i ran. i've never run so fast in my life... they only caught me after surrounding me and stealing my bookbag... i wouldnt have come back for it if my cell phone hadnt been in it. but craig didnt care. kayleen said he said i was cool. or that he liked me or something. brittni said the same thing. but... they lie. i think. whatever. it just... wasnt as bad as it could have been.
i feel bad for brittni though. she doesnt have a valentine... and she's grounded. and we're not sure if danny actually likes her, or if hes doing it to prove to craig that he could have her if he wanted. poor craig. -sigh-
well... i think brittni and craig are making me racist. lmfao. nah, i kid. its just easy to see their point. in new jersey, no one even brings up that subject. but here, its like, we're proud to be white, and we wont take shit from anyone who isnt. i've never been exposed to their kind of thinking. they dont actually mean it, but they do it for the reputation. it doesnt stop them from being friends with jeremy or marcus. but... it does make them seem pretty badass. lol...
i cant wait til this weekend. brittni better not get another day of grounding. or else my weekend will be ruined too. i already have to go to this stupid barbeque on saturday. but... maybe hot guys will be there. lisa did say she had a son. ;)
oh well. happy valentine's day... or as kelly likes to call it, Single Awareness Day... -sigh-
[mood? eh.]
okay. so valentines day wasnt as bad as it could have been. i got a candy gram. kayleen went up to craig and told him that i liked him. he already knew. i thought brittni was joking when she said he already knew. so yeah... when i saw kayleen going to tell him, i ran. i've never run so fast in my life... they only caught me after surrounding me and stealing my bookbag... i wouldnt have come back for it if my cell phone hadnt been in it. but craig didnt care. kayleen said he said i was cool. or that he liked me or something. brittni said the same thing. but... they lie. i think. whatever. it just... wasnt as bad as it could have been.
i feel bad for brittni though. she doesnt have a valentine... and she's grounded. and we're not sure if danny actually likes her, or if hes doing it to prove to craig that he could have her if he wanted. poor craig. -sigh-
well... i think brittni and craig are making me racist. lmfao. nah, i kid. its just easy to see their point. in new jersey, no one even brings up that subject. but here, its like, we're proud to be white, and we wont take shit from anyone who isnt. i've never been exposed to their kind of thinking. they dont actually mean it, but they do it for the reputation. it doesnt stop them from being friends with jeremy or marcus. but... it does make them seem pretty badass. lol...
i cant wait til this weekend. brittni better not get another day of grounding. or else my weekend will be ruined too. i already have to go to this stupid barbeque on saturday. but... maybe hot guys will be there. lisa did say she had a son. ;)
oh well. happy valentine's day... or as kelly likes to call it, Single Awareness Day... -sigh-
Sunday, February 13, 2005
[song? down with the sickness- disturbed]
[mood? i dont know...]
god.. i hate valentines day. i hate it. fuck valentines day. fuck valentines day. fuck valentines day.
okay. so yeah. anyway, brittni was here yesterday and today. yesterday, we just fucked around. and then we finally got bored as fuck and called craig. but that shithead was at the mall... so brittni called danny- craig's 17 year old brother. it was funny. danny wants brittni too. so he finally got picked up, and then brittni called him and they had phone sex, while i tried to sleep, until like... four in the morning. it was so fucking funny. brittni woke me up cuz i was 'moaning' in my sleep. lmfao... they kept teasing me about craig, so i said that danny smelled like a nigger. lmfao. he was so pissed today. he's really scary. even though craig is bigger than him, danny is scary as hellll. hes a silent and broody.. he doesnt take shit from anyone. but luckily for me, neither of them hit girls... or else they would have beaten me so badly a loong time ago. yeah. so that was yesterday.
today, brittni was being an idiot, and she thought it was craig or danny calling, so when she picked up the phone, she was like, 'motherfucker! oh... hi mom.' her mom got pissed and brittni got grounded. so we made up this lie, and we're going to tell her mom that i kicked her because she threw a brush at my head. but then we were like, if i kicked you so hard, you would have a mark. so we needed to give brittni a mark like i kicked her. we decided that i would hit her in the leg with a stick, but she was too scared and needed someone's hand to hold. so we went and got danny. so we did that, and then he was stupid and forgot to lock his front door. so we had to drag our asses back up the hill and go lock the door. we picked up craig, dropped off danny, and then came back here. then we drove brittni home... and craig was being an idiot and wouldnt get in the car. so he had to walk... lmfao. hes so cute. god damn... i want him so bad. i dont care if he would be thinking of brittni the entire time. i want him so bad... *sigh*
that was this weekend. and now i have a shitload of homework to do. damnit. i just wanna sleep. bleh. oh well. tomorrow, i just want to die. i hope i dont wake up from my sleep. im so mad, because valentines day is the most commercialized of the holidays, and it still gets to me more than any other holdiay. ugh... GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I HATE VALENTINES DAY.
if i dont post tomorrow, its because valentines day got to me, and i killed myself. :) adios, homies. heheh.
[mood? i dont know...]
god.. i hate valentines day. i hate it. fuck valentines day. fuck valentines day. fuck valentines day.
okay. so yeah. anyway, brittni was here yesterday and today. yesterday, we just fucked around. and then we finally got bored as fuck and called craig. but that shithead was at the mall... so brittni called danny- craig's 17 year old brother. it was funny. danny wants brittni too. so he finally got picked up, and then brittni called him and they had phone sex, while i tried to sleep, until like... four in the morning. it was so fucking funny. brittni woke me up cuz i was 'moaning' in my sleep. lmfao... they kept teasing me about craig, so i said that danny smelled like a nigger. lmfao. he was so pissed today. he's really scary. even though craig is bigger than him, danny is scary as hellll. hes a silent and broody.. he doesnt take shit from anyone. but luckily for me, neither of them hit girls... or else they would have beaten me so badly a loong time ago. yeah. so that was yesterday.
today, brittni was being an idiot, and she thought it was craig or danny calling, so when she picked up the phone, she was like, 'motherfucker! oh... hi mom.' her mom got pissed and brittni got grounded. so we made up this lie, and we're going to tell her mom that i kicked her because she threw a brush at my head. but then we were like, if i kicked you so hard, you would have a mark. so we needed to give brittni a mark like i kicked her. we decided that i would hit her in the leg with a stick, but she was too scared and needed someone's hand to hold. so we went and got danny. so we did that, and then he was stupid and forgot to lock his front door. so we had to drag our asses back up the hill and go lock the door. we picked up craig, dropped off danny, and then came back here. then we drove brittni home... and craig was being an idiot and wouldnt get in the car. so he had to walk... lmfao. hes so cute. god damn... i want him so bad. i dont care if he would be thinking of brittni the entire time. i want him so bad... *sigh*
that was this weekend. and now i have a shitload of homework to do. damnit. i just wanna sleep. bleh. oh well. tomorrow, i just want to die. i hope i dont wake up from my sleep. im so mad, because valentines day is the most commercialized of the holidays, and it still gets to me more than any other holdiay. ugh... GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I HATE VALENTINES DAY.
if i dont post tomorrow, its because valentines day got to me, and i killed myself. :) adios, homies. heheh.
Friday, February 11, 2005
[song? awakening- by umm... i dont know.]
[mood? sad and alone]
yeah. so here's why im sad. so i like craig. craig likes brittni. brittni likes hector. and hector is... not around. a bunch of girls like craig, but he doesnt want them. i have way too much competition. brittni wont go out with him. and normally, in this type of situation, i would just say 'fuck it' and forget about him. but brittni said something that keeps my hopes up. :(... she said that whenever he has a girlfriend, he totally forgets about brittni and focuses on his girlfriend. -sigh- me and my silly girlish fantasies.
yeah. people were asking me if i was going to go to the valentines day dance... and i said i would go if craig asked me. they laughed, and i was like, "well, its not going to happen, so thats pretty much a 'no, im not going'". so today, i sold my ticket to the dance for 10 cents. sad... this girl mona like... loves me now. i let her get out of lunch detention one time, because this guy was going to ask her out. he asked her to the valentines day dance, but she wasnt eligible to go because she had some bad behaviour grades in her classes. so i was nice, and i bought her a ticket under my name. its weird to think that if it werent for me, her guy and her wouldnt be going out at all. like... if i hadnt let her skip lunch detention or bought her a ticket. -sigh-
i hate valentines day.
i miss new jersey. if i were there, i would have just asked francis or sammy to be my valentine. or even ryan. technically, brenna is my valentine, but im sure she would have understood if i had already had a valentine. but alas, i dont. and on monday, i dont think im even going to go to school. i might just... shrivel up and die. yeah. that seems like a good plan. then, not only do i not have to deal with valentines day, i dont have to deal with rejection.
-sigh- im going to go try to draw my sadness. :'( maybe this depression will at least give me some artistic inspiration.... hey, at least im trying to see the good side to all of this. sometimes, i hate being positive. i hate positive people, and i hate how they're always right.
i need a new keyboard. this one is really pissing me off. i cant capitalize, make exclamtion points or question marks, and i cant make the number one. ugh. -burns her keyboard-
*continues typing on the ashes that were once her crappy keyboard*
well... thats all for my problems today, peoplez. i at least hope you had a good laugh... maybe then my blog title would finally make sense.
*imagines her lonely valentines day, and runs off crying*
[mood? sad and alone]
yeah. so here's why im sad. so i like craig. craig likes brittni. brittni likes hector. and hector is... not around. a bunch of girls like craig, but he doesnt want them. i have way too much competition. brittni wont go out with him. and normally, in this type of situation, i would just say 'fuck it' and forget about him. but brittni said something that keeps my hopes up. :(... she said that whenever he has a girlfriend, he totally forgets about brittni and focuses on his girlfriend. -sigh- me and my silly girlish fantasies.
yeah. people were asking me if i was going to go to the valentines day dance... and i said i would go if craig asked me. they laughed, and i was like, "well, its not going to happen, so thats pretty much a 'no, im not going'". so today, i sold my ticket to the dance for 10 cents. sad... this girl mona like... loves me now. i let her get out of lunch detention one time, because this guy was going to ask her out. he asked her to the valentines day dance, but she wasnt eligible to go because she had some bad behaviour grades in her classes. so i was nice, and i bought her a ticket under my name. its weird to think that if it werent for me, her guy and her wouldnt be going out at all. like... if i hadnt let her skip lunch detention or bought her a ticket. -sigh-
i hate valentines day.
i miss new jersey. if i were there, i would have just asked francis or sammy to be my valentine. or even ryan. technically, brenna is my valentine, but im sure she would have understood if i had already had a valentine. but alas, i dont. and on monday, i dont think im even going to go to school. i might just... shrivel up and die. yeah. that seems like a good plan. then, not only do i not have to deal with valentines day, i dont have to deal with rejection.
-sigh- im going to go try to draw my sadness. :'( maybe this depression will at least give me some artistic inspiration.... hey, at least im trying to see the good side to all of this. sometimes, i hate being positive. i hate positive people, and i hate how they're always right.
i need a new keyboard. this one is really pissing me off. i cant capitalize, make exclamtion points or question marks, and i cant make the number one. ugh. -burns her keyboard-
*continues typing on the ashes that were once her crappy keyboard*
well... thats all for my problems today, peoplez. i at least hope you had a good laugh... maybe then my blog title would finally make sense.
*imagines her lonely valentines day, and runs off crying*
[song? trash]
[mood? moodless]
im sorry, but made is one of the most annoying shows ever. again, its one of those nonmusic shows thats on mtv. which doubles its actual annoyance factor. -sigh- and just when i thought mtv couldnt sink any lower, made happened.
so i was talking to brit today. she says that since i like craig, i would love his brother danny. apparently, they look exactly alike, except danny is hotter.... i dont know how thats possible, to look exactly alike but one is hotter, but brittni says i just have to see for myself. i'll probably meet danny sometime this weekend. hoprefully we'll catch up with craig and jeremy too. i wanted to rent the butterfly effect this weekend. b says its good. alina saw it... she liked it too. aghit. im like... the only one on the face of the entire planet who hasnt seen it.... geez.
yeah. so today, i was so proud of myself. i actually did my own makeup... and it didnt look totally awful. brittney a. even said i looked 'so pretty' in homeroom. i was like, awwww, thank you! i just felt hot today. lol.
man, i miss jeremy. i wish he went to gleason. -sigh- hes so sweet. the world needs more sweet guys. theres not enough of them left anymore.
well... im going to go do my homework. bleh. its already eleven.
[mood? moodless]
your feelings, i cant help but rape them.
im sorry, i dont feel the same.
my heart inside is constantly hating.
im sorry, i just throw you away.
i dont know why im so fucking cold,
i dont know why it hurts me.
all i wanna do is get with you,
and make the pain go away.
im sorry, but made is one of the most annoying shows ever. again, its one of those nonmusic shows thats on mtv. which doubles its actual annoyance factor. -sigh- and just when i thought mtv couldnt sink any lower, made happened.
so i was talking to brit today. she says that since i like craig, i would love his brother danny. apparently, they look exactly alike, except danny is hotter.... i dont know how thats possible, to look exactly alike but one is hotter, but brittni says i just have to see for myself. i'll probably meet danny sometime this weekend. hoprefully we'll catch up with craig and jeremy too. i wanted to rent the butterfly effect this weekend. b says its good. alina saw it... she liked it too. aghit. im like... the only one on the face of the entire planet who hasnt seen it.... geez.
yeah. so today, i was so proud of myself. i actually did my own makeup... and it didnt look totally awful. brittney a. even said i looked 'so pretty' in homeroom. i was like, awwww, thank you! i just felt hot today. lol.
man, i miss jeremy. i wish he went to gleason. -sigh- hes so sweet. the world needs more sweet guys. theres not enough of them left anymore.
well... im going to go do my homework. bleh. its already eleven.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
[song? did my time- korn]
[mood? thoughtful]
its the nature of the human race to be insecure. some people are outwardly confident. but they're the most insecure ones of all. society tells us it's impolite to be arrogant.. overconfident. but that's what we really need. we need more confident people.. people who believe in themselves. im sick of everyone relying on everyone else. self-sufficiency people. you're not as flawed as you think... especially in comparison to those people you think are perfect.
anyway... i still want craig so badly. it feels so great to just have a crush on someone again. the last two people i had crushes on... either hurt me badly, or turned into complete assholes.... not such a great track record, huh? yeah. i dont think so either. third times a charm? somehow.. i doubt that too. oh well. i'll get over it eventually.
i hate lying but i cant help it. whenever i dont think anyone will find out about my lies, the always do. -sigh- i blame this on my father.
im beginning to believe that california is killing me. maybe it is. maybe it isnt. but being trailer trash with someone like craig suddenly doesnt seem so bad. maybe its just a phase... god i hope so.
[mood? thoughtful]
its the nature of the human race to be insecure. some people are outwardly confident. but they're the most insecure ones of all. society tells us it's impolite to be arrogant.. overconfident. but that's what we really need. we need more confident people.. people who believe in themselves. im sick of everyone relying on everyone else. self-sufficiency people. you're not as flawed as you think... especially in comparison to those people you think are perfect.
anyway... i still want craig so badly. it feels so great to just have a crush on someone again. the last two people i had crushes on... either hurt me badly, or turned into complete assholes.... not such a great track record, huh? yeah. i dont think so either. third times a charm? somehow.. i doubt that too. oh well. i'll get over it eventually.
i hate lying but i cant help it. whenever i dont think anyone will find out about my lies, the always do. -sigh- i blame this on my father.
im beginning to believe that california is killing me. maybe it is. maybe it isnt. but being trailer trash with someone like craig suddenly doesnt seem so bad. maybe its just a phase... god i hope so.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
[song? silhouettes- smile empty soul]
[mood? mad at the stupid gamers]
video games are brain rot.
mmmmmmmm- craig. skins, baby. and no, im not high.
georjeanna came today. its gunna be a goddamn coochie fest with her around. ugh. i need to be out of the house as much as possible for the next week. helllooooo brittni's house! :)
i got my cell back from kayleen. im so happy. jessa and celly together at last. how'd you ever learn to phoney call so fast?
email and lappy together at last, how'd you ever learn to scribby scroll so fast. lmfao. homestarrunner.com. its the shit.
--sigh-- craig. i wonder if i'll ever get with him... i dont think i could. hes too... perfect?
[mood? mad at the stupid gamers]
video games are brain rot.
mmmmmmmm- craig. skins, baby. and no, im not high.
georjeanna came today. its gunna be a goddamn coochie fest with her around. ugh. i need to be out of the house as much as possible for the next week. helllooooo brittni's house! :)
i got my cell back from kayleen. im so happy. jessa and celly together at last. how'd you ever learn to phoney call so fast?
email and lappy together at last, how'd you ever learn to scribby scroll so fast. lmfao. homestarrunner.com. its the shit.
--sigh-- craig. i wonder if i'll ever get with him... i dont think i could. hes too... perfect?
Monday, February 07, 2005
[song? home- three days grace]
[mood? out of it]
brittni spent the weekend with me. she went home like... an hour ago. jeremy and craig are the shit. i feel bad for jeremy sometimes.. because brit and craig give him so much shit about being black. lol. those damn skins.
well.. my room is almost finished. thanks again to brit. almost all the painting is done. im going to go get a futon sometime. then my place will be the ultimate party pad. cuz like... almost everything in my room is a chair.
my throat hurt before. but now its just burning after the two hits i took off that damn camel.
dan is being an ass. im so sick of pathetic depressed bastards. they should just get it over with. brittni's cool because even when she's down sometimes, shes usually really happy. and craig is learning the hard way about how i react to things about suicide. he keeps getting slapped. lol. hes so cute though. i cant hit him that hard. plus... his hair is so soft. tall... blonde... blue eyes... hott. oh well... theres alot of hot guys here. and they arent polish. yay.
[mood? out of it]
brittni spent the weekend with me. she went home like... an hour ago. jeremy and craig are the shit. i feel bad for jeremy sometimes.. because brit and craig give him so much shit about being black. lol. those damn skins.
well.. my room is almost finished. thanks again to brit. almost all the painting is done. im going to go get a futon sometime. then my place will be the ultimate party pad. cuz like... almost everything in my room is a chair.
my throat hurt before. but now its just burning after the two hits i took off that damn camel.
dan is being an ass. im so sick of pathetic depressed bastards. they should just get it over with. brittni's cool because even when she's down sometimes, shes usually really happy. and craig is learning the hard way about how i react to things about suicide. he keeps getting slapped. lol. hes so cute though. i cant hit him that hard. plus... his hair is so soft. tall... blonde... blue eyes... hott. oh well... theres alot of hot guys here. and they arent polish. yay.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
[song? track 9- the sickness- disturbed]
[mood? weesh]
so im here. brittni spent the night. we're painting now. yesterday was so much fun. until jeremy went crazy and freaked us out with jahobo apocalypse theories. it was scary. brittni was almost crying and we were all cold and fucking freaking out because there was a scary ass cat/tortured little girl that was screaming somewhere near by. so we were all scared as hell. it was so pathetic. brittni's a skinhead and and she wouldnt kiss this guy because he was black. lmao. and then craig was being pathetic and cold. and... my mom let us smoke in the backyard. ;o i would get with craig. but its so obvious that he likes brittni. hmm... i'll get him. sometime.
so anyway. we called dan last night. he sounds like a fucking 11 year old. lmfao. so now im trying to avoid him like the plague. hes such a goddamn dork. brittni says he looks like a 23 year old child molestor. he probably is.
britt cut my hair. we're going to dye it sometime. bleh. its going to look good.
i need to go shopping. i need some new clothes and some shit for my board. i hope i get good grades... i need the money.
so thats it. bye bizotches.
[mood? weesh]
so im here. brittni spent the night. we're painting now. yesterday was so much fun. until jeremy went crazy and freaked us out with jahobo apocalypse theories. it was scary. brittni was almost crying and we were all cold and fucking freaking out because there was a scary ass cat/tortured little girl that was screaming somewhere near by. so we were all scared as hell. it was so pathetic. brittni's a skinhead and and she wouldnt kiss this guy because he was black. lmao. and then craig was being pathetic and cold. and... my mom let us smoke in the backyard. ;o i would get with craig. but its so obvious that he likes brittni. hmm... i'll get him. sometime.
so anyway. we called dan last night. he sounds like a fucking 11 year old. lmfao. so now im trying to avoid him like the plague. hes such a goddamn dork. brittni says he looks like a 23 year old child molestor. he probably is.
britt cut my hair. we're going to dye it sometime. bleh. its going to look good.
i need to go shopping. i need some new clothes and some shit for my board. i hope i get good grades... i need the money.
so thats it. bye bizotches.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
[song? a place for my head-lp]
[mood? so sad]
god... i havent listened to linkin park in forever. i just found my old hybrid theory cd that went missing for AGES. so... now im listening to that.
anyway... im so sad. i keep crying. i love my new friends... they'll never replace the old ones though. but i hate it here. i hate it so much. i want to die. i would do anything to go back to clifton. i want my friends. i want my people. i want to be Jessa again. not "that new girl". i hate it so much. i dont belong here. i belong with jamie and becca and sammy and francis and brenna and michelle and emma and alina and EVERYONE ELSE in new jersey. i belong at WOODROW. and next year, i'll belong at CHS. i belong with good clifton people... people who dont do drugs and have sex. people who know what respect is. TEACHERS that love to teach. i belong in the snow. i belong at the general cinemas in clifton commons. i dont belong here...
i want to die. im so mad... my mom moved me away from my friends... all the people i LOVE. now she says she doesnt mind moving back. why would she bother moving me if she didnt hate it in clifton? ugh.... i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
at first, i was excited... because i assumed mom would only move me somewhere as good as clifton... how wrong i was. we almost moved into a ghetto.. i had to beg and argue so that we didnt.
the last time i cried and i WASNT manipulating someone, was when i said goodbye to everyone at woodrow. but before that... i dont even remember. god.. i hate crying. i hate it so much. my eyeliner is in those horrid wet lines down my cheek. my nose is red. and my eyes have that tight feeling that you get right after you cry. my mom is freaking out. but thats what she gets. she better be goddamn happy. at least i wont have done this for nothing. she just better hope that i dont get peer pressured into smoking or something.
i want to make clear that nothing happened to me to make me feel this way. i've felt this way since i started school, i've just kept it to myself until now.
im going to go drown my sorrows. how, i dont know. but... i'll find some way.
i dont know why anyone reads this. its a load of drama BULLSHIT that no one needs.
bye.
[mood? so sad]
god... i havent listened to linkin park in forever. i just found my old hybrid theory cd that went missing for AGES. so... now im listening to that.
anyway... im so sad. i keep crying. i love my new friends... they'll never replace the old ones though. but i hate it here. i hate it so much. i want to die. i would do anything to go back to clifton. i want my friends. i want my people. i want to be Jessa again. not "that new girl". i hate it so much. i dont belong here. i belong with jamie and becca and sammy and francis and brenna and michelle and emma and alina and EVERYONE ELSE in new jersey. i belong at WOODROW. and next year, i'll belong at CHS. i belong with good clifton people... people who dont do drugs and have sex. people who know what respect is. TEACHERS that love to teach. i belong in the snow. i belong at the general cinemas in clifton commons. i dont belong here...
i want to die. im so mad... my mom moved me away from my friends... all the people i LOVE. now she says she doesnt mind moving back. why would she bother moving me if she didnt hate it in clifton? ugh.... i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
at first, i was excited... because i assumed mom would only move me somewhere as good as clifton... how wrong i was. we almost moved into a ghetto.. i had to beg and argue so that we didnt.
the last time i cried and i WASNT manipulating someone, was when i said goodbye to everyone at woodrow. but before that... i dont even remember. god.. i hate crying. i hate it so much. my eyeliner is in those horrid wet lines down my cheek. my nose is red. and my eyes have that tight feeling that you get right after you cry. my mom is freaking out. but thats what she gets. she better be goddamn happy. at least i wont have done this for nothing. she just better hope that i dont get peer pressured into smoking or something.
i want to make clear that nothing happened to me to make me feel this way. i've felt this way since i started school, i've just kept it to myself until now.
im going to go drown my sorrows. how, i dont know. but... i'll find some way.
i dont know why anyone reads this. its a load of drama BULLSHIT that no one needs.
bye.